The Coward's Way Out
by Kildred
Summary: When a man known for his yellow streak visits Japan, he inadvertently comes across the Hinata Inn. What will kill him first? The girls, or his own fear?
1. A startling beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina or anything associated with it.

'...' will be thoughts.

"..." will be spoken word.

**Bold** will be English.

_Italics_ will be Japanese.

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A Startling Beginning

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A lone man walked down the crowded street, unsure of his surroundings. True, he had saved his money to actually visit Japan, but, as is oft to happen to this guy, he had neglected to think ahead, too excited about the trip. Now, here he was. Alone, confused, and lost. He knew a little Japanese, picking up only what he heard in anime, but it wasn't enough to get any information, let alone hold a conversation. Dragging his large suitcase behind him, he thought solemnly to himself.

'**Okay. Uh, well...usually the taller buildings are hotels, so I should probably just look for the big ones with some kind of logo. I'm sure there's a Best Western or Ramada Inn somewhere around here. If not, there's probably a way to determine what a hotel is. I mean, all the hotels I've ever seen had big ol' signs in front of them.**'

One of his bad habits, getting lost in his thoughts, would usually turn out to be detrimental to his health. This proved tried and true throughout his life, and today would be no different. Walking forward (Well, stumbling, actually. That suitcase _was_ pretty heavy.) at a brisk pace, he managed to bump into another person. He immediately began to apologize, right up until the person he ran into turned around. The man was taller than he was, with jet black hair, dark sunglasses, and a large scar going down his left eye. Tilting his head slightly, he muttered something in Japanese in a low tone towards our protagonist.

"_What are you doing, bro?"_

Now, I'm sure you've heard the term "fight-or-flight response". If not, here's a small rundown. In times of great stress or duress, the mind will recognize that the current situation is dangerous and prep the body accordingly. The body produces adrenaline, dilates the pupils, constricts blood vessels, and generally just readies itself for what comes ahead, wither you are going to fight or run away.

Unfortunately, our...well, hero is a bit much. Let's go with...focal point. The focal point of our story lacks one crucial thing that makes this response actually work. You see, most people who encounter this response actually choose if they want to fight or flee. The body is just preparing for either eventuality, and that choice will either be made consciously or unconsciously. That is to say, by mind or by instinct. Our dear focal point, however, doesn't ever choose. Ever. His unfortunate upbringing has led to several encounters that left him with only a single choice should anything ever seem to mean him harm.

He was gone before the man could even blink.

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Keitaro Urashima was tired. Very tired. Between his constant studying and his round-the-clock cleaning of the Hinata Inn, his body and mind were truly aching. Also, though you couldn't tell it from looking, he was beat up on an almost daily basis. So, after being asked (See: ordered) to go shopping for groceries, as well as being conned into buying some alcohol, this usually good-natured manager was in a bit of a foul mood. Not that he ever could get worse than that, but the fact still remains.

After acquiring of all the necessary provisions ('_Why does she drink so much anyway?'_), he stepped out of the store, only to be met with some running fool. After several items found their way to the ground, one very irate Keitaro stood up and voiced his irritation.

"_Aw, come on! I just bought those! I don't have the money to replace anything so quickly!"_

Unknown to Keitaro, he actually looked pretty scary. Dark circles lingered below his eyes, giving his unnatural scowl a very chilling look. Combined with his habit of squinting when he wasn't wearing his glasses, he successfully scared the bajeezus out of the poor sucker, who only let out a squeak and ran as far away as possible.

Watching the man take off, Keitaro sighed. '_Ah jeez. I didn't mean to scare him. Way to go, Keitaro_.' After the mental berating, he stood and gathered the foodstuffs, as well as his glasses. '_Thank goodness nothing broke_.' It was then he noticed a rather large item out of place from his belongings. A suitcase. '_Must belong to that guy. I better hurry and get this to him_._Also gives me a chance to apologize_.' He grabbed the handle and started off briskly toward the Hinata Inn. Coincidentally, the man had run in that direction.

After some time, he managed to catch up. The man was hunched over, breathing heavily, with his hands on his knees. Not really giving much thought to how the man might react to his presence, he shouted out to him.

"_Hey, look, I'm sorry about before. Here, you dropped your suitcase_!"

The man, after a double-take, took off up the stairs.

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After successfully escaping his second potentially deadly encounter today, our fearful lead character, currently situated near some stairs, leaned over and was deeply taking in as much oxygen as was allowed for his lung size. After calming down some, a bit of thought began taking place.

'**Jeez, I didn't realize people around here would be so angry! I gotta hurry and find a place to stay.**'

Not taking notice that he was missing one crucial piece to his tourist puzzle, he began thinking of where to go from here, still breathing heavily. After a bit of fruitless thinking, a hastily made plan was about to be put into action, until some yelling behind him peaked his curiosity. Upon first glance, it looked like some guy who may have needed help. Of course, given his past experiences today, he wasn't about to offer any. Though the guy did look familiar...

A second glance told him all he needed to know. It was that second guy. No mistaking it. Though, he was smiling now. '**Why is he smiling? Why is he smiling?! Cripes, I gotta go!**' Immediately taking off, he stumbled up the stairs a bit before finding a quick pace. After a number of steps, he came across a large building.

I'm sure I mentioned before that he didn't really think things through. Again, one of his bad habits rose to the surface as he faced this intimidating building and thought one word as he ran towards it's doors.

'**Sanctuary!**'

Entering the conveniently unlocked building, he slammed the door shut behind him and after stumbling forward a bit, immediately fell to one knee, breathing hard again.

"**I have got to work out more**!"

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The loud noise from the lobby got everyone's attention. Keitaro didn't usually slam the door shut, and he always announced his return.

Closest to the lobby was Shinobu, who was preparing some side dishes while awaiting the groceries from Keitaro. Worried something happened to him that warranted such an entrance, she peeked out from her culinary home. The site she met with was not one she would have expected. A sweaty man was kneeling on the floor, breathing heavily. Fearing that he was a thief or worse, she hurriedly retreated back to the kitchen, grabbing a nearby pan for defense, whilst praying he didn't come near her.

Su was still in her room, which wasn't truly unusual. What was unusual was that she was second to see the intruder. A lingering Tama would explain such a thing, as she flew out of the room from the now distracted genius. As her machines beeped in alarm, she scanned her CCTVs and found the disturbance in record speed. Noting his physique and current physical condition, she planned for several security measures against him as she spun in her chair.

Kitsune slowly walked down the hall towards the staircase. Always eager to take advantage of anything fun or interesting, she glanced past the corner of the hall and was met with quite a surprise. A man she had never seen before was kneeling in the lobby downstairs. No, scratch that. Now he was all fours, breathing really hard. Tapping her finger to her chin, she grinned inwardly. This kind of situation could be easily taken advantage of. Well, it would be, if Motoko wasn't already by him with her sword drawn.

Motoko, trained swordswoman that she was, had hurried from the dressing room towards the source of the commotion. Seeing an unfamiliar male, she instinctively drew her sword and advanced on the pervert, keeping the tip pointed at his torso. While living with Urashima had quelled her attitude somewhat, old habits tend to die hard. She was about to voice her discontent at his presence when someone beat her to it.

"_Who are you and what are you doing in our house, pervert?_"

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Finally reaching the top of the stairs, Keitaro looked around for the fear-driven man. Not seeing him, he opted to search around after getting everything inside. Lugging both that heavy suitcase and the groceries up those stairs was really draining. Opening the door, he was about to shout out his return when he eyed the scene before him. The very same man he was searching for was surrounded by two of the most dangerous tenets around. This would probably not end well.

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Finally having a chance to catch his breath, our nameless runner dropped to all fours. His legs hurt like nothing he had felt prior. He almost contemplated just falling asleep right there, had it not been for that guy who was surely on his way to get him now. He needed to get somewhere safe and hide out for a bit. As he stood, he heard a woman's voice.

"_Who are you and what are you doing in our house, pervert?_"

Looking up slowly, he saw a face that should have been reserved for devils only. Already standing a bit awkwardly, he used the tips of his toes to jump to his left, opposite the devil-woman, hopefully to go into a faster sprint.

His theory, while sound, ended severely different than he thought as a sickening noise echoed throughout the inn.

Keitaro was already at the phone, dialing for an ambulance. Naru could only stare, mouth agape at the man, sliding slowly down the blade. Shinobu, having gathered enough courage to look out from the kitchen again, dropped her pan at the horrible sight and fell to her knees. Kitsune, eyes wide open, brought her hands to her mouth, as if to stifle any sound she could make. Su, going over her tapes, was confused as to why the man would do such a thing to himself.

Motoko, wielder of the blade, was frozen in place. She may have practiced swordsmanship, but her style was of that to slay demons and apparitions, not men. Her eyes followed the unfamiliar red coating slipping down her sword, inching closer to her hands. She immediately released the handle before the crimson flow could reach her. Everyone watched as he dropped to his knees, clutching the sharp protrusion. He looked up at the raven-haired woman, tears in his eyes and blood staining his lips. Before collapsing, he uttered four words that no one understood, though they felt they knew what he had said...

"**I don't wanna die.**"

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And that brings a close to this chapter. This story should be loads better than my first attempt.

I still haven't thought of a name for the guy yet. I just can't choose one. Nothing really strikes me as right.

Anyhow, if you do feel like reviewing and yelling at me, please keep it polite and coherent. No one likes a raving idiot.


	2. Hospital Woes

Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina or anything associated with it.

'...' will be thoughts.

"..." will be spoken word.

**Bold** will be English.

_Italics_ will be Japanese.

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Hospital Woes

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A young boy sat with his father, shivering slightly. The father, cradling the boy, comforted him as best he could. The dark room in front of them offered nothing that would calm the boy, instead adding fuel to the fire that was his fear. His mother sat beside them, holding the boy as if he were a delicate flower. The parents looked at each other. Nodding, they released their son, and began gently pushing towards the room.

"**Come on now, Derek. It'll be fine. There's nothing there you haven't seen before. Just go and grab your bear and come back. Everything will be fine.**"

"**Your father's right. Everything in there you've seen a million times. It's just a brisk walk to and from the laundry room.**"

The boy went over the walk in his head. He would have to walk out to the living room, over to the kitchen, into the laundry room and back again. Nothing had been moved around in the 4 years they've lived in the house, so nothing should be out in his way. Still, it was very...so very...

"**But...it's so...d-dark...I c-can't...**"

"**It's okay, son. You can do it. You'll be fine**"

Deciding to heed his father's words, he slowly made his way towards the living room. At a snail's pace, he crossed over the rug, keeping a hand on the couch for comfort. Before long, he was creeping into the kitchen. Seeing their son veer into the next room, they quietly talked amongst themselves.

"**Are you sure this is necessary, Oliver? He's reclusive enough as it is...**"

"**If he's ever going to start being outgoing, he's got to get over this fear thing he's got. I really wonder how he got that way. We never had this problem with Jack.**"

"**You can't compare Jack with Derek. They are completely different boys!**"

"**Alright, alright. I'm sorry, Cheryl. I just don't know why he's so afraid of everything.**"

A low, creaking noise grabbed their attention. Unsure of the source, they walked out to check on Derek's progress. He wasn't the sort of boy to get sidetracked, after all. As they made their way to the archway connecting the living room and kitchen, they saw him. He had crawled under the table and was frantically trying to get further back, despite the wall blocking him. The boy was crying and whimpering as he did so, staining his clothes with his tears. Looking over to the left, they saw what he was trying to get away from. A stray dog had pushed open the kitchen door, and was advancing on Derek, teeth bared and growling.

"**What the hell...!?**"

Oliver sprang into action, running over to the mutt and kicking him out the door. A yelp and a slam later, the room was safe again. Locking the door, he turned to see his wife trying to coax Derek out from under the table.

"**Cheryl? How is he?**"

"**Come here, Derek. Everything's all right now...**"

Derek, still crying, looked up at his mother apprehensively. He crawled out from the table, opposite his mother, and stood in place. After a bit, he turned around quickly.

"**You...you lied to me!**"

He quickly ran back to his room, and slammed the door shut.

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Derek woke with a start. He shut his eyes immediately when the sun hit him. Allowing time for adjustment, he opened them and scanned the room. It was painstakingly white, almost so that it hurt to look at. Deciding that this room wasn't an ideal sleeping area, he tried to get up. Instead, he fell back to his pillow as pain flowed from his arm. Looking over, he took notice of a IV drip connected to his arm. His attention was quickly rerouted to the door as it opened, revealing a man in a long- white coat. He walked over, grabbing a chart and noting whatever was on it.

"_Okay. So, how are you feeling?_" Derek stared blankly at the doctor.

"_Oh, right, right. _**Sorry. Slips my mind sometimes. Anyway, how are you feeling?**"

Derek sat up slowly, placing his back to the wall. "**Ok, I guess. Where am I?**"

"**You're currently in Kameda Hospital. You had quite a nasty cut there. Went right through you.**"

"**Huh? Wha...**" Derek look down and brushed his hospital gown to the side. A large gash was stitched together in his stomach. He visibly paled.

"**No need to worry. You got here just in time. There should be no real damage, and your scarring should be minimal as well. As a matter of fact, you should be able to leave in about two hours.**" Derek adopted a confused face as he looked at the man.

"**But I was stabbed in the stomach! That's not an injury you just walk away from!**"

"**On the contrary, you were stabbed just above the stomach. Remarkably, no organs were hit, vital or otherwise. You should count yourself lucky.**" The doctor went over a few more sheets as Derek thought to himself.

'**Yeah. Lucky. Lucky to meet a group of psychos.**'

Looking around, he came upon a question that nagged at him. "**How did I get here?**"

"**Hmm? Oh, your friends brought you here. Lively bunch, they are.**"

'**Well, that leaves me with more questions than answers. Ugh, stupid wall...**'

"**Hey, how about getting some color in here? That wall is annoyingly white.**"

The doctor chuckled a bit before speaking. "**That may be so, but any paint we bring in here could be hazardous to the patients. Besides, they might not like the color we choose. White is almost universally accepted, if not enjoyed.**"

"**Meh.**"

"**Well, I need to check up on some other patients. Try to get as much rest as possible. We'll let you go, soon.**" Watching the man walk out, Derek got into as comfortable as a postion he could find, before trailing off to sleep.

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Keitaro sat in a chair by the hospital's entrance. He had already be informed about the poor guy's release and was waiting to apologize. Naru paced a ways from him, before walking closer and voicing her opinion. "_Why do we even need to be here? It's his business if he wants to impale himself._"

Hearing an unfamiliar word, and feeling quite hungry, Su hung down from the wall. "_What's an impale? Is it..._"

Anticipating her question, Keitaro interrupted quickly. "_No, Su. It's not. In any case, Naru, if you feel that way, than why are you here? Pacing, no less?_"

Naru got an angry blush on her face as she gave an irritated 'hmph' and walked away. Mitsune, sitting beside Keitaro, piped up. "_Don't mind her, kiddo. That whole thing came as a shocker to all of of us. Question is, what was he doing there in th first place?_"

Keitaro shifted nervously. "_I think I scared him up there. He was trying to get away from me._"

He became mildly annoyed when Mitsune burst out laughing. "_Ha ha! Please.You -hehe- couldn't scare a kitten! Ha ha ha!"_

Shinobu, situated to the far right of Keitaro, was mentally scolding herself for acting as she did. '_Oh, I shouldn't have hid like that! He was just scared..._'

Motoko, having stayed silent the entire trip, sat nearby in a meditative state.

Seeing the doctor he conversed with earlier, Keitaro stood up. The doctor, after spotting him, walked casually over while skimming through his notes. "_Hey there. Your friend should be out soon. He's just changing into his clothes._"

'_Clothes? That reminds me of something..._' Keitaro dismissed the thought as he thanked the doctor, who went back to his rounds.

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After dressing up, Derek wandered around, not entirely sure where the entrance was. Once again losing himself in his thoughts, he bumped into someone. "**Oof! Oh, jeez. I'm sorry...?**"

Looking ahead, he noticed that no one was there. After checking the obvious directions, he looked downward. He spotted a woman sprawled out on the floor. "**Hmm? Are...are you okay, miss?**"

Not seeing a reaction, he look closer at the woman's face. He started panicking once he saw her eyes rolled up in her head. '**Crap! She's dead! Oh geez, oh god!**' Breathing heavily, he tried to calm himself. '**Alright, alright! It's ok. Maybe she's just knocked out. It's fine!**' Dragging her to the side so she wouldn't be an obstruction, he gently shook her by the shoulders. She came to, fluttering her eyes a bit before focusing on him. Derek breathed a sigh of relief.

"_Oh my, did I faint again?_"

Derek became distraught as he struggled to think of how to respond. Failing, he backed down. "**Sorry, but I don't speak Japanese. I'll go get a doctor.**"

She waved him off with her hand. "**Oh, there's no need. It happens all the time. I'm just here to pick up my medication.**"

"**Oh, cool. You speak English.**" Derek thought for a second before continuing. "**If it happens all the time, wouldn't that mean something's wrong?**"

"**Oh no. I'll be just fine. Thank you for worrying though.**"

Helping her to her feet, Derek pressed the issue. "**Well, it's bad enough to warrant medication, isn't it? That should be reason enough to worry.**"

As they started walking together, she continued to deny his claims.. "**Oh no. This is for something else. It's very nice of you to worry about me, though. Are you from around here?**"

"**Nah. I'm just a tourist. You know, your typical Japanophile. Got my...hey, where'd they put my suitcase?**"

"**Oh, they usually have your belongings taken by your friends or family.**"

Derek was getting more confused by the minute. "**The doctor did say my friends brought me here, but I came to Japan alone. Oh man, what if I was robbed?**"

"**Oh,****I'm sure it'll turn out fine.**"

Looking ahead of him, Derek paled and pulled the woman behind a corner.

"**Oh my! What's going...**"

"**Shh! The guy who was chasing me yesterday is in there. Oh jeez, he's here to finish the job!**"

The woman peeked out from the corner and surveyed the area. It was practically empty, save for... "**Oh! Keitaro!**" She started waving. Seeing him wave back, she started off towards him, unbeknownst to Derek.

"**There's got to be a back door or something. We'll just go...**" He continued planning, unaware of her absence.

-----------------

After waiting for a while, Keitaro heard his name. Looking up, he saw Mutsumi waving at him. Waving back, he stood up and walk over. After a few moments chit-chatting with Keitaro and everyone, Mutsumi brought her fist to her hand as she remembered something.

"_Oh! I just made this friend. I'm sure you'll get along wonderfully. He's just like you, Keitaro._" Leading him around the corner, they met the man. Keitaro's eyes perked up as he recognized the fellow.

"**...and then we'll head over to the nearest police station! Perfect! Let's go...uh...what was your name?**"

"**Mutsumi Otohime.**"

"**Oh. Derek Longhill.**" Reaching out his hand, he immediately panicked and fell backwards after realizing who accompanied her. Turning around, he took notice that the hallway he was in was a dead-end. He turned to face the man, and began backtracking.

"**W-Why are you even after me, man? What'd I do?**"

Keitaro's face took a confused tone as he tried to understand what Derek was saying. "_Calm down, man. I wanted to apologize for scaring you._" Seeing the confusion on Keitaro's face, Mutsumi began translating.

Upon hearing Mutsumi, Derek turned toward her. "**What? The fainting thing?**"

"**Oh no. I'm translating for Keitaro here.**" She motioned towards the man.

"**Oh. Oh!**" Derek stood up, keeping an eye on Keitaro. "**Jeez, scare me half to death, why don't ya?**" '**What are you playing at, man?**'

Keitaro continued to apologize while Mutsumi translated.

"_Yeah. Sorry about that._"

"**Oh yeah. Doctor said that my friends took me here. Was that you?**"

"_That's right.. After you were stabbed, I called the ambulance and drove over here._"

'**Hmm...**' Derek kept his eyes on Keitaro, as if to scrutinize his every action. "**Guess I owe you one then. Hey, do you have my suitcase?**"

Keitaro smacked himself in realization. "_I knew I forgot something! It's back at the Inn. _"

"**Tch**,**guess we'll have to go back. Hey, know any good hotels?**"

As Keitaro started to think, Mutsumi realized what Derek had just asked.

"**Oh my, you don't have anywhere to stay? I'm sure you could stay at the Inn. Everyone would love having you over!**"

After relaying her plan to Keitaro, he began sweating. "_Eh, yeah. Ha ha..._" Bringing his hand behind his head, he nervously scratched. '_Oh boy..._'

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Yay! Second chapter! Party time!

Aw, not a single review. Aw well.

Here's hoping for another chapter soon!


	3. First Look

Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina or anything associated with it.

'...' will be thoughts.

"..." will be spoken word.

**Bold **will be English.

_Italics _will be Japanese.

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First Look

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Keitaro sighed as he drove back to the inn. He wasn't relishing the thought of asking everyone about letting Derek stay with them, troubled though he may be. Of course, everything would be made that much harder seeing as Mutsumi wouldn't be there to translate. '_I should've just done it while we were at the hospital..._' He could only hope his old English book would still be in one of his old boxes. Then, there was that annoying bit about actually understanding it...

He took the final turn and parked at the teahouse, where Haruka stood, sweeping the entryway. Letting out a puff of smoke, she eyed the van with disdain. '_I still can't believe Seta let him keep that thing. Ugh._' Seeing Keitaro get out, she reciprocated a wave before finishing up. She retreated back into her workplace to deal with the customers.

Everyone shuffled out in their own fashion. After starting up the stairs, Keitaro tried using some old English phrases he remembered to start up something that may be construed as a conversation. "**How are you feeling...?**" Looking around, he saw that Derek wasn't with them. He slightly panicked, thinking he may have left him behind at the hospital, before spying a large form inside the window of the van. Walking up gingerly, he opened the door to see Derek sleeping, slumped over a little. Shaking him a little, Derek stirred. "**No, I don't wanna buy anything. And my name's not Bob.**" Muttering something in his sleep, he stretched a little and turned over...

...earning him a quick trip to the ground. Quickly looking up, he started his questioning. "**Ow, crist, what was that? Who hit me? Why!?**" Looking over, he saw the empty door and Keitaro's nervous head-scratching form. Putting two and two together before going into full blown panic, he stood up rubbing his shoulder, laughing a little. Recognizing Keitaro's apology, he waved his hand in front of him a few times, smiling. They both resumed the trip upstairs.

A few minutes later, Keitaro was waiting on a winded ex-hospital patient, who wasn't riddled with adrenaline to numb the pain of a constant climb. "**I...wanna...talk to...the person...who built...this place.**" Figuring he was voicing his fatigue, Keitaro simply shrugged, smiling his famous smile. After managing to make it inside, Keitaro motioned for Derek to stay there, then ran upstairs to grab the luggage and his book.

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Now alone, Derek rubbed his shoulders, trying to work out the numbness of sleep. He wondered about Keitaro though. He did some weird movements with his hands before disappearing. '_Well, it probably doesn't matter. Man, my head feels weird._' Rubbing his temples, his attention was drawn towards his left, where a number of noises could be heard. As he approached, a wonderful smell struck another sense, which in turn forced him to focus on his most used sensory organ. He stared in awe as a small girl whirled around the kitchen, presumably cooking lunch. It looked like the meal would be simple, but she was cooking three separate dishes, measuring amounts and various other cooking things he didn't really understand, at the same time.

A small gasp startled him out of his reverie, wherein he looked at the girl. she looked like she was shaking. "**Oh, uh...sorry. I'll just...leave.**" Pointing as he exited, he couldn't shake the feeling that he heard her giggle when his back was turned.

Letting out a yawn, he walked down a hallway before coming upon two of the girls, chatting amongst themselves. They both took notice of his presence. Remembering the long-haired girl from before, he stopped in his tracks. Her reaction to his presence wasn't quite what he expected. She brought one hand to her mouth as she let out a chuckle, while the short-haired one just grinned at him. '**What's so funny?**' Looking around, he shrugged. Maybe one his mannerisms was just amusing. Giving a wave, he turned around, wanting to leave before anything bad happened.

He wandered around the property for a long while, before deciding he needed to get his luggage, opting to go upstairs. Keitaro should know where it is. As he turned a corner, he noticed the black-haired woman duck into a room and slam the door shut. As he passed by, he heard what seemed like some kind of mantra. Not wanting to stick his head in where it didn't belong, he vaguely listened as he passed by. '**Kame? What's kame?**' Turning another corner, he laughed at himself when he took a wide stance, bringing his hands together slowly. "**Kamehameha! Ha ha ha!**" As he laughed, he heard a small sound. Something like a 'mew'. Instantly excited, he looked around for the source. "**Here kitty, kitty! Come here little kitty-cat!**" Not garnering any results, he dejectedly went on his way.

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Keitaro rummaged through his closet, mounds of books and papers strewn across his room. He almost threw a small metal box away, before stopping himself, losing his balance in the process. '_Wouldn't do to have this out in the open. If Kitsune finds this, I'm outta luck!_' Placing it a corner of the closet, he resumed his search.

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Walking slowly and taking in the sights, Derek instantly froze. Standing tall, he contemplated just how to escape. The hallway was much to small for anything grandoise, so his only option was flat-out running. He swallowed, keeping as still as possible. He knew that the size wasn't what scared him. Wasn't the weapons either. It's was the eyes. Her crazed eyes. It didn't even look human. Something about the dark-skinned girls eyes were just...feral. When she leaned in, he immediately took off, twisting his body in the best way to further the distance between him and the blonde killer. Keeping a cautious eye over his shoulder, he panicked further, now noticing the drool covering her face. '**Geebus! What is she, a cannibal?!**' Cognitive brain functions failing, Derek entered the first room he came across and slammed the door shut.

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Keitaro nearly jumped out of his skin when Derek entered his room. Seeing him hold the door shut, he made his way over before Derek started yelling at him. Seeing him bar the door with a nearby plank of wood, Keitaro adopted a confused stance, holding his hands up at shoulder-height. Derek began some sort of frantic arm waving, which went on for a little while before Keitaro caught on. After the mini-charades game, he garnered enough information to know what was going on. Hearing a large bumping sound, he disbarred the door (Much to Derek's protest) and walked out.

"_Su? What are you doing?_" Keitaro looked into her green eyes, keeping a determined face.

"_Trying to eat Tama!_" This girl was way too cheerful for her own good.

"_What have we told you about eating Tama?_"

"_I dunno!_" She adopted an odd stance, crossing her legs and bringing her arms behind her head.

Keitaro sighed. "_Don't do it. Now, why don't you wait downstairs? I'm sure Shinobu should be finishing lunch-_"

She took off at the sound of one of her favorite words. "_I should just say that word when I want her to go._" Turning around, he saw Derek, trembling and staring at the now-empty space. Realizing she was gone, he put on the most confusing face he had ever seen. Keitaro simply smiled and shrugged. When another 'mew' pierced the silence, Derek went into hunting mode. Staying on all fours, he looked under everything nearby for the source of the sound. When he heard Keitaro clear his throat, he looked up to see him pointing at his head. He reached up, and felt something hard.

"**Well, aren't you cute?**" He studied the small turtle in his hands. As if to respond to him, it bent it's flipper and let out another 'mew'. "**Ha ha. Guess you think so too, huh? Well, up you go.**" As he started to place the turtle back on his head, his eyes grew twice their size as he watched the turtle wriggle out of his hands and fly out the door. This earned another astonished look at Keitaro, who once again laughed and shrugged. Motioning to follow him, he led Derek downstairs.

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Heading into the dining room, Derek spied the fearful girl, who was lying across her end of the table, moaning. Keeping an eye on her, he followed Keitaro, who sat down and motioned for him to do the same. Erring on the side of caution, he sat on Keitaro's left, furthest from the girl. He looked toward the living room as everyone else started in. He felt a bit apprehensive when the long-haired girl from before sat next to him. The kitchen-girl approached from behind him and placed a few platters full of food across the table. After a group saying of 'itadakimasu', sans Derek, everyone began serving themselves. Derek opted to wait for everyone else to finish.

After being able to procure some food, he began eating. It was surprisingly hard, as he was torn between tasting the wonderful food, and watching the dark-skinned girl shovel it down her gullet. It was made harder when Keitaro cleared his throat and started talking. Seeing as he wasn't talking to him, he decided the food was the best thing to turn his attention to. This decision ultimately failed when the girl next to him slammed her hands on the table and stood, yelling something out while pointing to him. His fork stopped centimetres from his mouth, he only stared dumbly at the girl's rant. The dark-haired girl joined the yelling, though she seemed a bit calmer.

A bit.

Keitaro started again, arguing against the two, Derek surmised. Looking around, he wasn't sure what to make of the situation. He then noticed the sudden quiet that permeated the room. He began getting fearful as he saw that all eyes were on him. It wasn't until he looked up to his right that the fear truly embraced his heart.

That face.

That demonic face.

That face prompted almost all areas of Derek's brain, each one screaming to get away. Derek complied the best he could, yelling in fear and running away. Unfortunately, in order to run away, he had to push himself away from the table. This fact was not lost on him, though he did overestimate how hard he needed to push. Fear mixed with vertigo as he fell backwards from the table, going into a backwards somersault. Fear and vertigo gave way almost immediately to pain, when his head connected with the corner of the wall.

It wasn't long before everything went black.

---------------

---------------

Man, these seem so much longer when I'm writing them. Still, not too shabby for three hours work, eh?

I hope you're enjoying it so far. I'm trying to keep it funny.

Well, 'till next chapter!


	4. Joker's Bluff

Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina or anything associated with it.

'...' will be thoughts.

"..." will be spoken word.

**Bold **will be English.

_Italics _will be Japanese.

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Joker's Bluff

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A younger Derek sat inside a room, fidgeting nervously. A young woman at a desk regarded him, and began speaking. "**So, Derek, would you like to tell me why you were absent for two weeks?**" She straightened her nameplate which identified her as Helen Panter, a guidance counselor.

"**Um...n-no.**" He shuffled in his seat. He hated being questioned alone.

"**I'd like to know what's going on, Derek. You can't sacrifice your education like this.**" She pulled out a few files and went over them as she spoke. "**You have wonderful grades. Nearly top of the class. That doesn't mean you can just take off when you feel like it, though.**"

"**Thats...it's not...**" Derek didn't like the thought of someone thinking he was shirking his classes because he was arrogant. "**I...I was...s-scared...**"

"**Scared? Scared of what?**" Likewise, the guidance counselor didn't like the idea of a student being too afraid to come to school.

He fidgeted a bit before speaking. "**There's...there's always this group...of kids...who hang out...at the...bus stop. They...um...**" He shifted a bit. "**They...hit me...with things, s-so I'll...um...c-cry.**"

The counseler took on a look that could be described as anger, if one looked carefully. "**Who are these kids? We'll have to...**"

Derek shook his head. "**It doesn't matter, Mrs. Panter. I'm...being taken...out of school.**" He stood up, as if to leave.

"**Taken out?**"

Derek nodded, walking to the door. "**My parents...have already sent in the papers. I'm leaving...today.**" Wiping his eyes, he left the room and the school.

With an confused look on her face, Helen looked over Derek's file again. "**Poor boy's been through a lot.**" She closed the thick file. "**A ten-year-old shouldn't even have a psychological profile.**"

-----------

Keitaro placed an ice pack behind Derek's head. '_Geez, two injuries in the same day. He'll be feeling that for a while._' Walking off, he decided that while Derek was out, he might as well clean up the place. The windows needed a good scrubbing, as well as the hallways.

As Keitaro left, another entered the room. Sitting across from Derek, Mitsune looked over the man. '_Nothing special about him really. Well, if you don't count that grimace he seems to wear when he sleeps_.' As if reading her mind, Derek's face contorted a bit, then became more serene. '_Heh. I bet I could get a lotta fun outta this guy. It'll be troublesome to get him to stick around though._' Garnering ideas, she started her usual pacing that would more than likely end up in her room, reaching for some alcohol.

Derek, meanwhile, had managed to awaken. The splitting headache had persuaded him that moving was not a good idea. '**This is SO not worth being awake for.**' Quickly finding that sleep would not come as easily as he hoped, he opted to find someone. His throat was unusually parched and a drink was high on his 'to get' list. Wandering over to the kitchen, he found the blue-haired girl working at cleaning the dishes. '**Must not have been out that long...**' Waving a little while clearing his throat, he tried his luck at communicating. "**Um, can you speak English?**" The girl turned quickly, and looked around. Muttering to herself in Japanese, she started out. '**Probably going to find someone. Ugh, that'll take too long. What to do...**' An idea came to him. He had mild success with Keitaro doing charades, so why wouldn't it work here?

------------

Keitaro hung outside a window, scrubbing gently. Hanging by a rope wasn't his preferred cleaning method, but he didn't make enough money to buy an appropriate ladder. It was all he could do to keep the inn running without charging everyone more than they've had. He wasn't an expert by any means, but his efforts had at least kept the inn clean. A loud sound dragged his attention away from the window. A piercing sound followed by the rev of an engine confirmed the arrival of someone. '_Ah geez. I better tell her to go easy on Derek._' Keitaro looked around. The hardest part about cleaning the windows was getting down.

------------

Successfully miming his way towards a glass of juice, Derek was content to idly drink in the living room. '**Man, been a while since I've had some juice. This is actually pretty good. What flavor is this?**' He began staring at the glass, hoping the color would be some indication of it's flavor.

"_Who's this idiot?_" Derek turned to see a small, blond girl looking up at him. She look agitated, to say the least. "_Hey, I asked you a question!_" Derek looked around, hoping someone would show up and help. Remembering the girl in the kitchen, he started calling out. "**Hey, uh...blue-haired girl! Little help?**" He started racking his mind, trying to remember the Japanese equivalent for help, when the blond girl spoke again. "**Are you a moron or what?**"

Derek looked at her incredulously. "**Oh, you speak English?**" She cocked an eyebrow. "**Yep, moron. What is it about this place that attracts the idiots?**" Derek started to protest, before realizing that he did look like an idiot. Stating the obvious will do that. He decided on another route. "**Could you help me talk with everyone here? I'm having a heck of a time on my own.**" The girl smiled. She knew an opportunity when she saw one. "**Yeah, sure. Whatcha need?**"

-------------

Finally free of the rope's hold, Keitaro made his way down towards the ground floor. Seeing Derek and Sarah, he wandered over, intent on dissuading Sarah's mean streak. However, getting a nod from Sarah, Derek acted first. "**Uh...**_I'm going to kill you in your sleep._" Derek kept a large smile on his face. Keitaro dead-panned. Sarah, meanwhile, laughed herself silly.

Derek looked over at Sarah, confused. "**What? Did I say it wrong?**" Sarah barely held herself together. "**No...no. He just...heh...doesn't hear it that often...hahaha!**" As she resumed her laughing, Derek turned to Keitaro and continued. "**So...**_sleep lightly._" Keitaro, looking down on Sarah, weighed a few options in his head. He had already deduced that Sarah was being herself and messing around with Derek. '_This'll just get worse and worse. What to do...It's not like I can teach him Japanese...hmm..._' Flashing a winning smile, he waved to Derek and left upstairs. After his leave, Derek turned to Sarah. "**So, why wouldn't people thank him that often? He seems like a nice enough guy.**" She caught her breath before speaking. "**Well, he, uh...**" She grinned inwardly. "**The thing is, he usually has his own agenda. Manipulating people to get what he wants.**"

"**Really? Geez, some people...**" Derek decided against much more action. This place wasn't turning out to be the safest area to mess around in. Instead, he went over to his bag, which Keitaro had brought out earlier in the evening, and dug around. Grabbing his watch, MP3 player with headphones, and a small bag, he stood facing the door. "**Well, I gotta find a hotel. You think you could help me? I could use a translator.**" Sarah looked at him oddly. "**You want me to come? Why?**" Derek shrugged. "**You've helped me out so far. I was hoping you'd still do it. I mean, it's not like you need permission to leave, right? You're old enough to do things on your own.**"

Sarah blinked. This guy had barely spent five minutes with her, and he had given her a clean slate! She could have real fun with this! Or better yet..."**Alright, but you're treating me to snacks!**" Derek merely chuckled. "**What kinda guy would I be if I didn't?**"

-----------

After walking for some time, Derek and Sarah found themselves before several stores, many of which specialized in sweets and the like. "**If you want my help, I'll need at least one of each!**" Derek looked around. "**One each of what? I don't get it.**" Sarah slapped her face to her palm. "**One snack from each store, stupid! Man, you're as dull as the dork!**" Wondering who 'the dork' was, Derek shrugged off her vocal attacks and reached inside his bag. Grabbing a small envelope, he grabbed some bills, replaced the envelope and pocketed the contents. This did not go unnoticed by Sarah. "**Holy- Geez, you're loaded! What are you, a tycoon?**"

Derek looked at her strange. "**Huh? This is a lot? I figured this would be, like, a day's worth of money. Why?**" Sarah very nearly face-faulted. "**What you just pocketed could buy a car!**" Derek rolled his shoulders. "**Oh well. Better to have more than you need, right? Just don't go telling people. That's asking to be robbed.**" Checking his watch, he chided himself. "**Forgot to synch it to Japan's time. I'll do it later.**" Stuffing the watch and his MP3 player into the bag, he wrapped the bag over his shoulder and looked on. "**Where to first?**"

Sarah already had a location planned. She wanted to know exactly who he was, and why he had that money. If he didn't really deserve it, who better to take it from him? If he was alright, then she'd milk him for what she could. No sense letting that wealth go to waste, right? Her plan was a tested one, though not 100. Nearby was an ice cream shop she frequented with her papa. Spending a lot of time there, she knew who the regulars were and what they were like. After a while, she could actually guess personality traits based on the flavors people liked. Again, it wasn't always accurate. While rocky road may be tailor-fitted to her papa, the sleazeball cheating on his girl didn't seem the cherry vanilla swirl type. Still, more often than not, she could get a good read on whoever she wanted.

"**Let's go there!**" She pointed at the shop hurriedly. "**Ice cream? Seems a bit bland when you compare it to what else is here. I mean, look at that-**" Sarah looked up at him with a glare. "**Hey, you promised.**" Derek looked down, feigning ignorance. "**Did I? When did I do that?**" "**Don't get coy with me! You promised when we left the inn!**" Derek chuckled. "**If I remember correctly, all I did was ask you what kinda guy I would be if I didn't buy you snacks. That doesn't warrant a promise of any kind.**" Sarah's face dropped. She had been tricked! Of all the lousy, no-good...

A quick laugh from Derek gained her ire real quick. "**Come on, I'm not that mean. Besides, I don't like ice cream.**" "**What?! Who doesn't like ice cream?!**" Surprised at her outburst, Derek took a step back. "**Me. It's too cold. I prefer more room-temperature desserts like cake and pie. Especially if there's raspberry involved.**" Sarah started hitting him, her plans ruined. "**What was the point of coming out here then?!**" Derek chuckled as the blows glanced off him.

He didn't notice that the repeated motions caused his money to fall out of his pocket. Nor did he realize that a group of rather distasteful fellows noticed the cash at his feet.

Derek felt a familiar chill run up his spine as he heard someone cough behind him. Turning slowly, his eye grew wide as what could easily pass off as street punks stood before him. "_Lots of cash here, man. Maybe there's more where that came from?_" The man's friends chuckled ominously. Paralyzed with fear, it was all he could do to just shake. Seeing him sweat and tremble, Sarah gawked. '_Oh, don't tell me he's..._'

"_I suggest you get with the cash, man._" Sarah decided to count on an outside factor. It was sure to happen anyway. "_You guys are really stupid aren't you?_" The man looked down, obviously offended. "_What did you say?_" Sarah scoffed. "_You heard me. You all are a buncha idiots. Charging in not knowing what you're getting into. This guy is the leader of the single, most feared gang in all of Japan. Which means he's the strongest too._" This time, it was the man's turn to scoff. "_Yeah, Well, we'll see just how tough he is._"

--------------

Keitaro stood idly. After knocking several times, if was obvious that Naru wasn't in her room. He had hoped that she would be willing to teach Derek some Japanese, even if she didn't have any textbooks to use. Dismissing the matter for later, he chose to continue cleaning. He managed to finish the hallways, so all that was left was...

--------------

Sarah laughed out loud, catching the man off-guard. "_You really don't get it, do you? People like him don't fight when they don't have to! That's what underlings are for! As for them, well, you're right in the middle of his territory. It shouldn't be too hard to find someone who can show you what can happen to you if you cross him._"

--------------

Keitaro grabbed the bucket and and gloves. The cleaning solutions were kept in the same place as always, so all he needed to do was open the door.

--------------

"_Oh? Then why don't we find one? Give me some kinda clue as to what'll happen to us. Go on._" The man sneered.

--------------

Keitaro blinked once. Twice. Then, the information his eyes had obtained reached the center of his brain. He took the applicable path to this particular problem and backed off. "_N-n-n-narusegawa! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-_" As has happened all too often, his pleas fell on deaf ears. "_You stupid pervert!_"

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The group of men ducked low from the sound of a train colliding with a luxury cruise ship. "_What the hell was that?!_" Sarah remained calm. "_That was his subordinate. She sounds pissed._" She grinned ear to ear. '_Talk about perfect timing._' The situation was only made sweeter when they all heard a fast approaching noise, which increasingly sounded like a scream.

With a loud crash, Keitaro landed across the street from Derek and Sarah. Sarah immediately ran over, while Derek, stunned from Keitaro's entry as well as fear from the situation beforehand, stood still. Leaning towards the fallen manager, she rapidly spoke. "_Keitaro, listen. I need your help._" Of the several plans she mapped out in her head, she hadn't actually counted on Keitaro falling out of the sky right in front of them. After she told him her plan, she ran over to Derek. "**Hey, listen, I need you to do this...**" Derek shakily kneeled down to listen. After she was finished, he nodded hesitantly.

After the smoke cleared, the group looked at the newly placed crater. Keitaro emerged, clothes torn, skin cut, and glasses shattered. In spite of himself, the man yelled out. "_Hey man, what happened? You okay?_" Keitaro looked over. "_Yes, yes. Nothing to worry about. I'll be-_" He gasped at the sight of Derek and Sarah, who was now standing quite proudly beside him. The group of delinquites look a little baffled, wondering my he was gaping at their score, when he suddenly crawled on all fours, begging.

"_Please, please, Derek, sir! I didn't mean it! I truly thought I could get it all on time. Please, sir! Just a few more months, I can pay you back! Just please, stop your people from hurting me!_" Keitaro starting bawling during his frenzied speech. Sarah chuckled low. "_What are you talking about, people? He only sent one, after all. _" Keitaro frantically bowed his head over and over. "_Forgive my transgression! It merely felt like a hundred of your men had attacked. I had no idea of the scope of your gang's power. I am truly sorry!_" Derek looked down and let out a slow sigh. He tapped Sarah on the shoulder and whispered in her ear. She turned back towards Keitaro.

"_You're lucky he is feeling so generous today. He will allow you three months to pay back what you have taken, as well as lowering the interest to a mere thirty percent._" Keitaro nearly fainted from the lack of blood to his head, caused by his repeated bowing. "_Thank you, thank you so much! I will not squander this opportunity!_" He looked a little apprehensive, then rubbed his fingers together. "_And...my...my mother?_" Sarah looked up at Derek, who shook his head. "_Not yet, though you still have time._" Keitaro thanked them profusely before leaving the area. The punks looked at each other warily before looking at the remaining two again. "_So, what do you have planned for his mother anyway? Prostitution?_" Derek didn't bat an eye when he said, "_Organs are more profitable._"

The group of men had very messy laundry to do the next day.

Seeing the group run away, Derek breathed a sigh of relief. "**Thank goodness. I thought I was done for.**" Sarah chided him. "**Hey, I was with you the whole time!**" Derek glanced at her. "**That's the point. If I had run away, you'd have been there alone. Who knows what they'd do to you.**" Sarah opted to stay quiet, as television had taught her what could've been, in that situation. "**I'm just glad I got the lines right. Hey, Keitaro! You there?**"

Hearing his name, Keitaro walked around from the corner, breathing a bit heavy and walking unsteadily. "_I feel a little dizzy..._" After regaining his composure. he kneeled down to Sarah. "_Did it work? Are you all right?_" Sarah looked up slightly slightly as she responded. "_Y-yeah._" Derek shook Keitaro's hand, thanking him without words. '_Wonder what he got out of this, though. People like him don't do something for nothing. Aw well._'

He thought to himself a bit, then walked away.

Sarah thought about the two. '_Well, I guess being an idiot is better than nothing._' Derek reappeared with a large container, and dropped it in front of Sarah, who fell over from surprise. "**W-what's that?**" Derek laughed. "**You wanted ice cream, right? Well, I didn't know what kind you like so...**" He opened it to reveal several bowls filled with ice cream. "**...one of each, right?**" Keitaro just stared at the sheer quantity.

Sarah looked inside the container. '_Well, maybe he isn't completely hopeless.' _Thinking quick, she got an idea she had to act upon quickly.

'_Not knowing Japanese is just gonna suck in the long run. I can't translate for him forever. This'll fix that!'_

_-------------------------------------------------_

_------------------------------------------------- _

Though you probably can't tell, this is my longest chapter yet. Hurray for progression! I'm in the 3000's now!

Anyway, it took me quite a while to figure out where to go after getting Sarah in the mix. I don't think I took her too ooc there, but any pointers would be nice. I'm not really good at this kinda thing.

So, any feedback is appreciated! Tell me how I'm doing and how to get better! Uh, please!


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